April has brought not only showers of rain, but showers of hard times as well.  My son got very sick again the last of March and continued into april.  We spent the first 3 or 4 days of April in LeBonheur in Memphis, another day in our local hospital, and then 8 days at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Ohio.  Not one of the doctors we have seen are able to tell us what is wrong with him.  Up until now, we thought he had Intracranial Hypertension. That has been called into serious doubt.  Up until now, I could tell people, "At least he doesn't have anything that will take his life."  It has crossed my mind, that although whatever illness he has is not likely to kill him, we don't know that for certain anymore, and the uncertainty is heartbreaking. 

I feel like the rug has been pulled out from beneath me, I am wobbly and confused.  Making the smallest decisions can be difficult and tend to take more thought than I care to give them.  I am overwhelmed by otherwise simple tasks.

I have looked over the house and declared on more than one occasion it was a disaster and needed to be cleaned.  I have found that the state of my home is a pretty direct reflection of my state of mind. It seems to big of a task to take on, so I am doing things slow and trying to be easy on myself and my family.  Yesterday, I went to the grocery store and a friend came to visit in the evening. She brought her two youngest kids with her. It was a fabulous distraction. Tonight, we had pizza and I straightened my daughters' hair with a flat iron. 

Maybe tomorrow I will fold the clean laundry or go get my youngest the birthday present we did not get around to getting for.

Tomorrow is the first day of May.  I am lifting my glass to it with this thought, "Bring on the May flowers."

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