10 Facts about Your Child and the Hospital

I am sitting here at 1:30 in the morning at the children's hospital with my son.  Because my son can not sleep and therefore I can not sleep I had nothing else to do, I opened up the trusty laptop and decided to write a blog post. So here it is:  Ten Facts about Your Child and His Hospital Stay

  1. The IV will always be placed in the most inconvenient spot. 
  2. Your child will complain about being tired, yet refuse to sleep.
  3. You will, at some point, decide sleep is for the weak. 
  4. When the doctor makes his/her rounds, it will be after your child has finally "got snuggly" and is getting some serious shut eye. 
  5. Because you decide to follow the advice of the well wishers, you will try to sleep when your child sleeps.  To do this comfortably, you will remove the most offensive undergarment you have on - the bra.  For whatever reason, this sends out an invitation to all the doctors, residents and med students, to come and visit your room.  If you are anything like me, this will cause you to hunch over to the point you resemble Quasimoto with his arms crossed.  Hospitals rooms are cold.
  6. Hospitals sell burgers for the same price fine dining restaurants sell rack of lamb.  You will pay it, living off Mr. Discover, and cringing when you think about having to make small monthly minimum payments on lunch.
  7. There is no such thing as regular meal times while you are a guest of the hospital.  For instance, I ate breakfast, lunch and supper at 9:30 last night. 
  8. The food at the hospital is not the whole grains and  fresh food the USDA encourages.  My potato soup was made from instant potatoes, the sandwich was processed deli meat, with processed cheese on white bread.  It is like the hospital is saying they will get you in there one way or the other.  I do have to say though, the chipotle mayonaise was a hit with my taste buds, as were the Dibs ice cream and barbecue flavored Fritos!
  9. A 5 year old on lasix will wet through any pull up that is on the market today.  *He will do right after he or you falls asleep, while you don't have a bra on, and when the doctor is due to stop by at any second.*
  10. The fold out cot, bed, recliner, or couch in your room, will take a master's degree in engineering to figure out.  At one point of trying to figure out how to make it long enough to sleep on, you will just consider making a pallet on the floor.  You will decide against it though, because sleeping on the floor (with no bra) will broadcast the extra special super signal all over the hospital and nearby towns.  Everyone will visit you, including the hospital social worker.

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