Choosing Peace

Scrolling across my screen this morning, I see “Hardees first chain to add turkey burgers to their menu”.  I am guessing this is supposed to be a positive statement.  I just thought “WHY?!! It’s not Thanksgiving!”  My shock and concern were furthered when I realized, some people must like them, as in they enjoy the taste.  I can only think their mothers must not have fed them properly.  Is the “lettuce and ketchup taste good for breakfast” group responsible for this addition? 

Random things like this are what I think about before my kids get up, in those few moments of quiet.  I can not seem to think rational thoughts at 7:00 in the morning, sans the noisy noises from my four children.  It is like their very presence and all of those noises that make me say, “Everyone stop talking, I CAN’T THINK!” that actually inspires me to think beyond the randomness that floats around in my head.  It is funny that all my best ideas come to me at the most inopportune times like while driving the van with the children singing along with Veggietales or grocery shopping or while serving dinner.  If the president could call on me during those moments, I could possibly tell him how to handle the current crisis in Libya in a way that would win him accolades from both sides of the aisle. 

I love being a stay at home mom and homeschooling. One of the reasons is that I like having my kids with me. I like having them close and safe, I am all to aware that one day they will be out on their own and I will have to settle for silence and wondering how they are and if they are going to remember to call me on Sunday afternoon.  There are so many things that want to compete for my time with them, the TV, the computer, the phone, Facebook, life in general….  We who are moms, should know that while our time is short and valuable, our time with our kids is shorter and even more valuable.  Sometimes when I lay down at night, I cringe in remembrance of the day, because I realized I let all the cares of life and distractions steal the majority of my time, and my children actually had very little of it, when they are the primary reason I am a stay at home mom. 

One of my goals while pregnant and then while the baby was very little, was to act with no regrets.  I did not want to look back to my time of pregnancy and the baby’s infancy and regret a single moment.  I generally live in peace and contentment.  I can typically move past my mistakes and failures and chalk those times up to the “school of life” and move forward.  If I miss an appointment, a friend’s birthday, or a day of school, it doesn’t bother me for too long.  Everything comes back around.  What I won’t get back though, are the missed opportunities to blow bubbles with the kids, to push Beks on the swing, and put together puzzles with them.  I miss these opportunities because I am trying to get things done.  I know in my heart that it is ok if the puzzle pieces are on the floor and the bed isn’t made if it is because I stopped what I was doing long enough to enjoy the children.  A bookshelf that isn’t straight won’t hurt anything but my pride and that is only when I am glancing around the room with a critical eye because people have come over.   So, I try not to sweat the small stuff. 

It is the bigger stuff, like the bitterness that is in me towards some things in my life where I have a problem.  But, I know that bitterness and anger are best friends and will grow roots on the top of the garden of life that trip you and can cause you to fall.  These issues are the true time stealers for me.  They are the issues that make feel like I can not cope when the kids or my husband are losing their minds.  The problem is, these things are not going to go away.  They will be here, I am just going to have to learn how do deal with them and how to set them aside in “you can’t change it, so leave it alone” pile.  That is more of a process than I would like to think about.  The wonderful thing is that God indeed knows the issues I face and is aware that I fail miserably at dealing with them, and tend to just get irritable when they crop up.  God knows that although I mow them down they always come back and I know that He alone can dig up the roots for me, because I am woefully inadequate.  So, I can arm myself with that, some prayers, and a few deep breaths, and just be.  I know that I can put the mantle of peace and contentment down and that I can also put it back on, living with no regret means that I have to choose this every day, on purpose.