Happy Mother's Day

In September of 2005, my son was born. I can not tell you his birth weight or what his APGAR scores were or whether or not he was born with hair.  He was born to a woman that would later make an excruciating decision about their future. She would change the way both our families looked.  She would make it possible for me to have a son.  It was our miracle, a realisation of our prayers.  It was her sorrow, regret, and longing for a better life for him and her, all mixed up into one bag of emotion. 

My oldest daughters were born in March of 2000 and January of 2005.  They were born into neglect and abuse, to parents who were caught in the throes of addiction and poverty and seemingly could not find their way out before they lost their children to the bad choices they made.  I struggled to hold back my tears as I watched the juvenile court judge strip the birthmom of her parental rights.  When she appealed the decision, it seemed like I held my breath the entire three months that it took for the appellate court to issue the ruling that affirmed the lower court's decision.

I do not ever forget that my opportunity for motherhood came at the tremendous price of someone else's prayers not being answered.

I always wanted to be a mom.  I never wanted anything else.  When I got married at the age of 21, I fully expected to give birth within the first year.  (Frankly, everyone else thought it would be within the first 8 1/2 months seeing as how I married my spouse after knowing him for 17 short days.)  Instead, a month after our first anniversary I found out that we would not ever have children without expensive medical intervention.  Devastated does not begin to touch what I felt.  Eight years later, I adopted my first child, what would be my only son.  A year after that I adopted my two oldest girls. In between the adoptions, I got pregnant without medical help, and delivered my youngest daughter.  I get the pleasure of living the dreams of my childhood while I am still young. When the children are grown, I will pick a new dream, but for now I will just live the dream.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who are mothers and to those of you that, for now, just dream.

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Christie Wiley said...

Beautiful, Jessica :)

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